If there was a time to stop shaming ourselves for wrestling with anxiety; I think now would be a good time to cut ourselves some slack. Hello, global pandemic. None of us know what’s coming next, murder hornets, a Sahara dust storm reaching the U.S. mainland, is this the second wave or just the first spike leaving a nasty mark? We are learning as we go and that is okay. We don’t know what is around the corner but we know who holds our world in place and isn’t surprised by this. God knows. God is with us. God is for us. God loves us. That is the only constant — our God is faithful and never leaves us stranded in our right now and all the anxiety it brings with it.
This is how anxiety surfaces periodically for me:
I’m exhausted.
I am forgetful and have limited bandwidth to handle anything extra right now.
I will trip over words, go completely blank, and sound like a baboon.
Complicated and messy communication sends me over the edge, so I need to circle back to those issues when life is not on high alert like it is now. I’m a four on the Enneagram so I can be a little emotionally slutty and over-share… and usually hate myself for it later.
I need more calm less storm; ya know? So that’s where boundaries come in for me. I’m horrible at them, but to stay in a good place emotionally I have to simplify and scale my life back to what I can handle in the now. It won’t always be like this, so this is my anchor:
What I am facing is temporary.
What I am feeling is temporary.
Good things will come from this pain, even though I can’t see them yet.
God never wastes our pain. Ever. Even when I feel like I’ve been sucker-punched when tenderness is something that I need most, I know I will recover and come back stronger than ever. Not because of who I am but because of who I serve. I’m continually walking in a place the kindness and grace of God have paved for me. It’s holy confidence — walking in God’s borrowed strength. It never runs out. It’s the grace upon grace kind of love that covers all the cracked places when our hearts are hurting.
But, how do you step back in the ring with a punching bag for a heart? Friend, I get it. You are just now starting to feel somewhat whole again, so how do you protect all the soft parts and prevent another knockout? How do you step into the ring when your hygiene is a little sketchy, and it takes so much effort to get out of bed let alone shower? (Thank God for dry shampoo.)
I guess a girl just has to get back up. But, if you want to lie down and cry about it for a little while, please do. You do not need permission or have to offer one thousand explanations for the fragmented places from inner wounds you are working through. Healing takes time. Full stop.
Jesus went out of his way for the broken outcast looking for a thirsty love and water that would quench every disappointing place in her life and leave her soul-satisfied. Every other love was a poor substitution for a perfect and sacrificial love like his. It was a love that opened her eyes to the truth; lovers and “takers” leave you spent and worn out and empty. It’s a performance-based pseudo-love, not the real thing.
If you are wrestling with anxiety, Jesus is what you are looking for. If you have fresh wounds, Jesus will heal every single one. If you need extra kindness and space, you don’t have to explain, overcompensate, or come up with one more excuse. You are in the right now and not yet working as hard as you can. So, don’t let shame win this round or make you feel less than. When others whisper, “try harder,” the Lord wants you to trust Him and surrender everything you are trying so desperately to control. Thirsty heart, nothing satisfies like Jesus.
Anxiety is real. You are not a failure if you are prone to anxiety, it just means you are human and a feeler. That’s a good thing! Life is all about learning new tools on how to cope and later helping others cope and face the things you have conquered.
There are lonely seasons, lean into them.
There are unknown seasons, learn from them.
People will disappoint you, love them away but give yourself room to heal on your time… even if it makes the ones you love uncomfortable. If the love is there, grace will wait for you with arms wide-open.
If there is a lack of peace in your relationships, look for the common denominator. Honestly evaluate what you need and how to communicate that need to those who love you. With love sometimes we speak an unfamiliar language or default by loving someone the way that makes us feel the most loved.
There are relationships that fit in the “need work” category and relationships that are toxic and harmful. If they are not safe, run. Period. You can’t have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person. If we are honest, just about everyone fits in the “need work” category. That’s called real life and it ain’t pretty, but it’s worth it.
If you love someone but don’t understand their anxiety, please don’t use words like “toughen up,” or “get over it.” Say, “Help me understand what you’re feeling,” and, “Do you just need me to listen, or do you want advice?” When words fail, take them tacos and tell them they look pretty.
Much love to you, always.
Jennifer Renee
Taking this a bit deeper…
John 4:
4 Now he had to go through Samaria. 5 So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. 6 Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon.
7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)
9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.
10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”
11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”
13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”
16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”
17 “I have no husband,” she replied.
Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”
19 “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. 20 Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”
21 “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”
25 The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”
26 Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.”
You can listen to our lastest More Than Small Talk podcast on anxiety here or on your favorite podcast app!