I always approach Mother’s Day a little differently than most. I was able to have children after three years of hormonal Hades and multiple miscarriages before I was diagnosed with Stage IV endometriosis. But, before that Mother’s Day was brutal and the only reason why I showed up to church was because I was on paid staff at the time and required to be there.
We all give birth to something and sometimes it has nothing to do with bringing a child into the world.
I’m thinking about the Invisible Mom who is raising children on her own because her husband left. Now she has to do the job of two parents and it’s ridiculously hard on her because she doesn’t know how to ask for help, or how to receive help. Her needs are invisible and most days she would love a night on the town, but she’s so exhausted that she opts a long, uninterrupted nap instead.
In the past year, many of my friends gave birth, others adopted, but we all labored big time over the changes that life keeps throwing at us. We all feel invisible sometimes, but this weekend the Invisible Moms will experience so many levels of heartbreak, and even deep depression, tied to Mother’s Day.
We have one day where it’s all about Moms, but someone next to you is finding it hard to breathe because she couldn’t bring life into the world. Will you please pay attention to her and do something to make her feel special?
I remember what it’s like wishing I could sleep through Mother’s Day. I remember what it felt like to know that I was a mother deep in my heart and yet I did not have the children to prove it. Bareness and dreams miscarried, a heavy heart with empty arms, I was doing my best to fake a smile but, I was clinically depressed.
The safest place within me to carry a baby was my war-zone. Doctor’s visits and test dates littered my calendar instead of play dates and first haircuts. I remember the ache when I saw flowers in every shade of pink and paper cards with sloppy handwriting in crayon. They were masterpieces in my mind and of more value than a five-dollar card. I longed for sloppy kisses and a baby on my hip.
Dear sister, I remember. I whisper prayers on your behalf and know that they will reach heaven for you. You are not forgotten, the love of God will cradle you during your loss.
Gone are the days where I dread this day set aside, yet my heart hurts for those with broken relationships making it hard to pick out cards because the mother/child relationship limps and is fractured.
My heart hurts for those with an empty seat around the family table from death that took their precious child away from them much too soon.
My heart hurts for the friend who just lost her mother and this is her first Mother’s Day without her best friend.
Even though I celebrate and rejoice for sixteen years of being a mother, I cannot forget my sisters who ache deeply and would rather skip this weekend entirely. I’ve been there. My arms were empty, but the love of God was strong enough to carry me through that difficult time.
My strength and faith deepened during that time where my body was so frail. I’m grateful for the heartache I have felt because I love deeper and feel like each day, even the messy ones, are a gift.
You are not forgotten, I remember what it’s like when Mother’s Day hurts. I’m praying for you to be lifted out of the ashes of grief as God mends your broken heart. May joy be restored to you. You are so loved.
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Ps 30:5)
Much love to you,
Jennifer
Will you join me as I try to honor all the invisible women and moms? Pick up a card and some flowers or a gift card to let her know you are thinking about her!
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This year I am linking up with my friend, Sarah Philpott, who has a heart to reach and #HonorAllMoms -click on the link and join this amazing ministry to reach those who are hurting!
For many years I dreaded Mother\’s Day too. My husband ran away from God and it was heartbraking to me. But God is faithful, he came back to God. I went to many mother day\’s at church dreading it. I cAn relate.
I\’m sure that was such a hard time for you, Debbie! Thanks for sharing your comment to let other women know someone else understands what they are going through. Blessings.
Beautifully written, much needed words. There are so manyblevels of invisibility and being a mom who is not recognized is hard. It reminds me of Isaiah 54, the barren woman is encouraged to do 4 things: sing, enlarge, spread out, and fear not.
Bless you as you continue to minister to others.
Dawn
That\’s one of my favorite passages, Dawn! I read that often when I was struggling, such a powerful word! My friend and I talked last week about how women feel unnoticed, I knew that I needed to explore and write about how we can make others feel visible and valued. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to comment! Blessings to you!
Churches can be particularly insensitive to mother\’s who have miscarried. I remember on Mother\’s Day at a small southern church a young mother had just experienced one of many miscarriages. The church had bought long stemmed roses for the mothers. They handed them out, but passed by this amazingly strong young woman. I looked at her eyes, the shame they held for what I\’m sure she felt as defeat.
I waited for a moment and got up, walked groom the front of the church down the center aisle to where she was, gave her a hug and handed her my rose and whispered, \”You are a mother. You carried your children, gave birth to them and loved them. You deserve to be honored.\”
She later adopted and soon after also gave birth to a healthy child. We should not define motherhood simply by having live children. The hardest thing a parent can experience is the death of a child. If you survive that, you deserve to call yourself mother.
Terri, I\’m so glad you reached out to her. Many people just don\’t know what to do, or how to help. They just want to be seen and acknowledged. Thanks for taking the time to comment and caring about the women around you!
Blessings!
I like to honor women in general on Mother\’s Day. Giving birth does not make you a mother. Moms come in all types and forms. Women with children and without, set examples for our young ones to watch and learn from. They show us strength, perseverance, beauty, reverence and love regardless if they have carried a child or have not been able to. Cherish the WOMEN in your lives this Mother\’s Day.
I agree! We will be honoring all women Sunday. I\’m extremely thankful for the women in my life who have invested in me personally and have loved me like a daughter and sister.
Thank you, Jennifer, for allowing God to use you. Thank You, God, for using Jennifer.
I had a child 31 years ago. I\’ve been barren since. I felt as though I cursed myself before I ever got married when I was 18. Someone asked me if I wanted any children. At 18, I said no. [I wasn\’t ready then.] But then, they urged me and said, \”Oh come on, don\’t you one to have a couple of kids at least?\” Then I said something like, \”I\’ll have one.\” That\’s exactly what I had. But, looking back over time and maturing I realize with more knowledge of God and His word that this is all part of His grand plan. It\’s the way it\’s supposed to be. I\’ve accepted it! Praise God for all Moms!
Oh, wow. Thank you so much for sharing your story and motherhood journey with me. I\’m so thankful for the peace and acceptance God gives us.
All Moms are important and matter! Thanks for taking the time to comment, Kimberly!
Thank you for this! My pastor\’s wife referred me to your site and I too am wanting to comfort the \”invisible moms\” I started a website to help women find healing through Jesus. If you would like to share this on your site, you are welcome to do so.
Thank you and God bless!
tinyfootprints4ever.com
I\’m so glad you have a passion for helping women find healing! Can\’t wait to check out your website, I know it will be a blessing to so many women looking for hope!
Never thought about it this way before. Mother\’s Day (even though I am blessed with 3 children) has always been about my mother, not myself.
Thanks for writing this. Let\’s also remember those women whose moms have passed away AND who are childless. It is hard as well on those whose mom is no longer living and couple that with infertility. Mother\’s Day is a sad and hard day for some of us with both of those elements.
I am an invisible mother, too!
I am 65 years old. I spent 35 years raising my 2 daughters (one 45 and one 38). I raised my two girls as a single mom. Worked two jobs most of those years. Their biological father never paid support. He never baby sat grandchildren, his second wife would not allow it. I babysat all 5 of my grandchildren. I helped one purchase a house. To this day they continually praise their father. Even on facebook on their time lines there is not picture of me and no discussion of Mom. This truly hurts, who can help? I would love to ask them why but they will only be defensive!
Yes, this. Thank you. Step-moms with step children who don\’t acknowledge them are on the list too. I can celebrate this day, because of all the sweet young moms I know. Otherwise, I cold sleep in!
Ellen,
I will be thinking of you and celebrating you. You are so loved.
Much love,
Jennifer
We’ve been estranged from our children for 6 years now. I just wish I could hide under the covers the entire day when Mothers Day comes around.
I am so sorry, Jessica. That has to be so painful. Sending you love.